What to Discuss Before Moving in with your Boyfriend

Before I dive in, I want to start by saying, moving in with your boyfriend is a BIG step, and as big as it is, it’s also really exciting! In the midst of the excitement, it’s easy to forget about the important things you need to discuss and plan for before move-in day arrives. Set yourself up for success before the big day, and give it some thought.

As a bit of a background, about a year ago, my boyfriend was offered a job in Massachusetts–we were currently living separately in Pennsylvania. Having dated for 2 years at that point, we gave it a lot of thought and discussion and decided that we wanted to take the next step and move to Massachusetts together. That was the easy part.

Next, we had to have the hard conversations to make sure we were on the same page and that we were setting ourselves up for a happy, successful living situation. Now that we are almost a year in (with a majority being 24/7 together time in quarantine), I believe a lot of the happiness and ease we’ve experienced was taking the time to talk and plan prior to our move. Here’s what I recommend discussing before moving in with your boyfriend:

1. Money

I’m putting this first because it’s one of the most common sources of arguments in relationships. I cannot stress enough the importance of talking about money. Whether it’s who is going to pay for groceries, if you’re dividing rent down the middle or a percentage based on income, and even what existing debt you may already have like student loans, it’s important to have these conversations. It’s often uncomfortable for people to talk about money, and I get it, but you want to have all the information and be aligned prior to move-in so you aren’t met with unexpected information too late.

2. Cleaning

Do you have similar cleanliness expectations? Personally, I’m a neat-freak, but my boyfriend knew that about me beforehand. And while he is on the cleaner side, I’m on a whole different level. For those reasons, I’m completely fine doing more of the cleaning, especially because it’s something I enjoy, and I recognize that I often have unrealistic expectations. It all comes down to finding a balance in your relationship and deciding what works for you.

3. Alone time

Have you ever sat back and thought about how much “alone time” you may actually need? It’s likely that you and your boyfriend have different needs here, and it’s something you need to consider to make sure your expectations are aligned. For me, I need to have at least 30 minutes a day to myself to dedicate to my summer reading list and decompress for the day, but everyone is different! So talk about it, and find a balance that works for you both.

4. Chores

How will you divide chores? This piggy-backs off of cleaning above, but more broadly, who is going to handle what? Are you going to take turns cooking? Who is going to grocery shop? Will you do laundry together or separately? Side note: I highly recommend getting a laundry sorter. Regardless of if you separate it by yours vs. his or colors vs. lights, this is going to save you time and energy (and possibly a few arguments).

5. The Future

When you look 5 years in the future, what do you see? What about 10 years? What does your partner see? These overall goals should be aligned. For example, if you want to get married and have children, but your partner is not looking for either of these things, that’s something to seriously consider before signing the lease. You want to make sure not only that you are compatible living partners, but that you are compatible long-term as well.

This list is by no means exhaustive. There are absolutely other things you’ll want to consider before moving in with your boyfriend. However, I hope it gives you a place to start in having these conversations.

Once you’ve decided to move in, the fun begins! Check out this apartment checklist to make sure you have everything you need.